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Paul

Dagens Griner (kan indeholde stødende indlæg!)

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THE OFFICIAL EUROPEAN JOKE European paradise: You are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by an Englishman. Food is prepared by a Frenchman and an Italian puts you in the mood and everything is organised by a German. European hell: You are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by a Frenchman. Food is prepared by an Englishman, German puts you in the mood but, don't worry, everything is organised by an Italian. That joke was proposed by a Belgian as the Official European Joke, the joke that every single European pupil should learn at school. The Joke will improve the relationship between the nations as well as promote our self humour and our culture. The European Council met in order to make a decision. Should the joke be the Official European Joke or not? The British representative announced, with a very serious face and without moving his jaw, that the joke was absolutely hilarious. The French one protested because France was depicted in a bad way in the joke. He explained that a joke cannot be funny if it is against France. Poland also protested because they were not depicted in the joke. Luxembourg asked who would hold the copyright on the joke. The Swedish representative didn't say a word, but looked at everyone with a twisted smile. Denmark asked where the explicit sexual reference was. If it is a joke, there should be one, shouldn't there? Holland didn't get the joke, while Portugal didn't understand what a "joke" was. Was it a new concept? Spain explained that the joke is funny only if you know that the lunch was at 13h, which is normally breakfast time. Greece complained that they were not aware of that lunch, that they missed an occasion to have some free food, that they were always forgotten. Romania then asked what a "lunch" was. Lithuania et Latvia complained that their translations were inverted, which is unacceptable even if it happens all the time. Slovenia told them that its own translation was completely forgotten and that they do not make a fuss. Slovakia announced that, unless the joke was about a little duck and a plumber, there was a mistake in their translation. The British representative said that the duck and plumber story seemed very funny too. Hungary had not finished reading the 120 pages of its own translation yet. Then, the Belgian representative asked if the Belgian who proposed the joke was a Dutch speaking or a French speaking Belgian. Because, in one case, he would of course support a compatriot but, in the other case, he would have to refuse it, regardless of the quality of the joke. To close the meeting, the German representative announced that it was nice to have the debate here in Brussels but that, now, they all had to make the train to Strasbourg in order to take a decision. He asked that someone to wake up the Italian, so as not to miss the train, so they can come back to Brussels and announce the decision to the press before the end of the day. "What decision?" asked the Irish representative. And they all agreed it was time for some coffee.

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EuroEnglish The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaning "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

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HOV, den udtaleform var da fremherskende allerede for 8 år siden, da jeg slog mine folder i EU. Hyppigt anvendt af franskmænd, finner og italiener og af og til af andre - hvis de ikke sov under møderne. OK, siden er der så sket en del udvidelser af lande i EU, så det er nok relevant at standisere. Godt man er gået på pension inden EU indfører tvungen sprogkurser. Hygge til alle Thage

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Fartbøde FARTBØDE. Manden har lige købt sig en ny BMW M3,og er ude at checke grænser af. Han har lige passeret 150 km/t da han ser de blå blink fra en politimotorcykel bag sig. Han beslutter sig til at køre fra den og sætter hastigheden op til 200 km/t , men må alligevel opgive efter flere kilometer, og kører ind i nødsporet og standser. Betjenten kommer hen til vinduet med hele bogholderiet under armen, læner sig let mod BMW'en og siger: "Jeg har haft en ualmindelig skidt uge, ikke andet end problemer hele vejen igennem. Hvis du har en undskyldning jeg ikke har hørt før, så gider jeg ikke skrive dig" Manden siger: "Der var en politibetjent der løb med min kone i sidste uge, og lige da jeg så de blå blink troede jeg det var ham, der ville levere hende tilbage!" Betjenten: "God weekend".

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FARTBØDE. Manden har lige købt sig en ny BMW M3,og er ude at checke grænser af. Han har lige passeret 150 km/t da han ser de blå blink fra en politimotorcykel bag sig. Han beslutter sig til at køre fra den og sætter hastigheden op til 200 km/t , men må alligevel opgive efter flere kilometer, og kører ind i nødsporet og standser. Betjenten kommer hen til vinduet med hele bogholderiet under armen, læner sig let mod BMW'en og siger: "Jeg har haft en ualmindelig skidt uge, ikke andet end problemer hele vejen igennem. Hvis du har en undskyldning jeg ikke har hørt før, så gider jeg ikke skrive dig" Manden siger: "Der var en politibetjent der løb med min kone i sidste uge, og lige da jeg så de blå blink troede jeg det var ham, der ville levere hende tilbage!" Betjenten: "God weekend".
:)........

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