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Paul

Dagens Griner (kan indeholde stødende indlæg!)

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anton    0

anton
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Den side, som Gio har i sit indlæg, er med overskriften "Mad til hele ugen" eller noget i den stil... Så må man da give dem lidt kredit, da den eneste faste fødevare er spareribs... Jeg tror egentlig også der var plastictallerkner på den side(?) Var der en side specielt til kvinder? Måske var der lavendelfarvede (altså lilla) tallerkner, boghvedegryn (altså hundeæde) og kildevand (med uden smag)...

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BS    4

BS
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:d MAN TEST 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet... Nancy-pants. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so queer. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. An ything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as queer as a $3 bill. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious. 7. If you d rive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. 8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker. OH YEAH.............. IF THIS OFFENDS YOU........ YOURE A FAG TOO !!!!!!!!

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Gio    23

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British Bureaucracy... In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England, and said: 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.' He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying: 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.' Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but no Ark. 'Noah!' he roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?' 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. 'My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure. 'We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision. 'Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. 'Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! 'When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. 'Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. 'I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for my building team. 'The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. 'So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.' Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world 'No,' said the Lord. 'The British government beat me to it.' :cool:

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Lollikken    10

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Jagt sæsonen A big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him, and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel. And if he could locate the bullet hole. he would even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Spring Buck." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .22 rifle." The others could not believe it. He was right, and the argument was even hotter than before. When some started to suggest that he must have peeked, he said that he was prepared to do it again. He would put up all the drinks they had bought before against them buying another round for him. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in their car. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion" and fingering the bullet hole said, "and the rifle was a .308," which of course was right. This, of course, was like throwing fat on the fire, and he had to prove is skills over and over again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, stoned out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one heck of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that bar. So where did I get this black eye?" His wife replied angrily, "From me, of course." "But what did I do?" he asked. She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a triumphant tone, 'Skunk, killed with an axe.'"

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Humle    10

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Dansk ninja anholdt i Sverige Dansk ninja anholdt i Sverige Af MARIE-LOUISE ANDERSEN Jyllandsposten Offentliggjort 14.07.08 kl. 22:19 En dansk mand forklædt som ninja er mistænkt for at have planlagt et groft overfald mod den svenske kronprinsesse Victoria på hendes fødselsdag. Manden blev anholdt omkring kl. 11.30 på torvet i Borgholm i Sverige, hvor han, svingende med et samurai-sværd, spurgte om vej til det svenske kongehus’ sommerslot. Det skriver flere svenske medier mandag. ”Han blev oprindeligt anholdt for overtrædelse af våbenloven, men siden gjorde yderligere vidneudsagn, at vi mistænker ham for at have planlagt grov mishandling,” siger Leif Larsson ved politiet i Borgholm til Ölandsbladet. Ikke første anholdelse Det er anden gang, den 44-årige dansker er i kontakt med det svenske politi. Onsdag i sidste uge blev han også anholdt, da han i sit ninja-kostume gik ind på Ölandsbladets redaktion og begyndte at rive en avis med et billede af kronprinsesse Victoria på forsiden i stykker. Imens råbte han: ”I skal ikke skrive om Victoria, jeg kan ikke lide Victoria.” Da blev han løsladt, fordi politiet ikke mistænkte ham for en forbrydelse. Benægter forbrydelse Ifølge den svenske avis Expressen var det en politimand, der genkendte den 44-årige dansker i dag. Politimanden ringede til sine kolleger, som kort efter kunne anholde ham. Den danske mand benægter at have begået en forbrydelse, men politiet slipper ham ikke så let dene gang. Han skal først afhøres med en tolk, og det skal efterforskes, om han har planlagt et decideret overfald på kronprinsessen.

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larsk    14

larsk
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DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS 40-ish..............................49 Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends Athletic............................No boobs Average looking.................Ugly Beautiful...........................Pathological liar Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure..............On medication Feminist............................Fat Free spirit..........................Junkie Friendship first...................Former slut Fun..................................Annoying Gentle..............................Dull New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded.....................Desperate Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate........................Sloppy drunk Poet.................................Depressive Professional.......................Bitch Romantic...........................Frigid Voluptuous........................Very Fat Large frame.......................Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate................Stalker Widow..............................Murderer :p

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